


Desiderium

by BlossomLily



Series: Desiderium [1]
Category: John Wick (Comics), John Wick (Movies), John Wick - Fandom, Keanu Reeves - Fandom, Keanu Reeves Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Assassins & Hitmen, Attraction, Drinking, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, John Wick (Movies) References, John Wick - Freeform, Kink, Pre-John Wick (2014), Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Series, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 10:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20044201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlossomLily/pseuds/BlossomLily
Summary: des·i·de·ri·um: an ardent desire or longingIn an alternate universe, everyone has a soulmate. Finding your other half not only means feeling complete but being able to see color for the first time. Claire can't wait to find hers and settle down. John, on the other hand, has a secret he doesn't want to share and having someone be so close to him only complicates his personal and business life.





	1. Flash of Hues

**Author's Note:**

> Important notes:  
This takes place somewhere after the John Wick comics but way before the first John Wick movie. John has started working for Viggo in this timeline and has made a name for himself.

In the beginning, there were three parents: The Sun, The Moon and Earth. Each produced an offspring that was round with two faces, four arms, and legs. The Sun produced the man, the moon produced the woman and from the moon came both, male and female, known as androgyne. These humans had freedom and power, but they were foolish.

The creatures had great ambitions causing a threat to the Gods. They attempted an ascent to Olympus to attack the Gods. Zeus and the other Gods discussed what could be done to stop the humans. They couldn’t wipe out the human race because without them there would be no one to worship them. In addition, they couldn’t let the humans run riot. After great effort, Zeus had a plan. He would cut each of the beings in two. The humans would lose their strength and wickedness but what they lost they gained in loneliness. Each one longed for their other half, weaving themselves together wishing to be one again.

They didn’t want to be apart from one another, their souls forever connected. Now, the humans roam the world until they find their other half. There is an unspoken feeling, a power between the two when they meet for the first time. They feel unified and an overwhelming joy to finally be together again. 

♡

The salty air burned John’s eyes as he made his way down the dark alley, his light footing and dark suit allowing him to nearly blend into the grungy brick wall he swiftly passed. He stopped at the edge of the alley; the glowing neon sign that hung across the street shone faintly for him to see the long line of people waiting to get into the club. The tall, muscular bouncer stood behind the red rope with his arms crossed. He was talking to a group of men who appeared to be drunk. John’s eyes darted to the passing cars and random people roaming the sidewalk. None of them paid him any attention, more consumed with themselves, to observe the area.

John quickly glanced around once more, seeing it was clear to cross the street before casually strolling past the club into the side alleyway. As much as he wanted to go inside the club to drown his sorrows in whiskey, he couldn’t. He had business he needed to take care of. He pressed himself against the grimy alley wall, peeking around the edge spying two guys in suits talking. Their voices were low, but John knew they were speaking in Russian, the thick harsh accent audible from where he hid. They stood guard in front of the small shed-like building where John was sure they carried out business. The weight of his gun felt heavier in his waistband the longer he stood there listening to them complain about having to stand watch.

He scanned both men for weapons noticing the moonlight glistening on the tip of one of the men's guns. John pulled out his own gun from the waistband of his dress pants, screwing the silencer on before stepping out of the shadows. He raised his gun shooting the first man clean in the head the splatter of blood covering the man’s face next to him. The recoil from the first shot made John’s muscles ache but he pushed on firing another shot to the second guy as he attempted to fire his gun but before he could, the shot John had fired went through his skull, the man’s body went still. Both men feel on the ground with a thud, a pool of blood seeping down the pavement as John took one of their guns sticking it in the back of his waistband for backup in case things went sideways.

Viggo claimed this one wouldn’t be much trouble for him but as John made his way over to the side of the small rundown building behind the club, he had a feeling he would walk away killing more men than he wanted. He didn’t ask for details when it came to these “business tasks” that Viggo wanted him to commit since it all started and ended the same. He killed the men Viggo wanted dead and John collected his money throwing himself deeper into this mob crime world. John peered into the small window on the side of the building seeing five men sitting at a table. The table was full of glasses of whiskey, cigars and a stack of money. It appeared they were playing poker. The men were arguing as one, probably the boss as he puffed on a fat cigar.

John sighed running his fingers through his hair deciding on what was the best way to kill all these men. Before he could process his thoughts, one of the men saw him in the window. John ducked down as he heard loud yells and the scatter of chairs being thrown. He loaded his gun hearing the heavy steel door swing open hitting the wall. John readied himself, his hand on the trigger as the first Russian came around the corner. He swiftly pulled the trigger aiming for his head. Headshots were John’s specialty plus it was the quickest kill. The man’s body fell backwards, the gun falling from his hand, as John stood up. The loud footsteps from the remaining men made it apparent they were going to ambush John.

Two Russians came rushing out of the door, turning the corner, John ran forward, firing at the one closest to him. The bullet hit the man’s shoulder giving John enough time to shoot the other guy in the head. The first stumbled to grasp his gun, his body trembling as John elbowed him in the head. He fell sideways landing on the pavement with a vulgar thud before John shot him ending his misery. Three down, two to go. John felt the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he turned around. The metal door was wide open, but he didn’t spot the other two guys inside. He held his gun up slowly making his way in, the dim lighting revealing the unkempt room full of empty wrappers and beer bottles. The table was still covered in money and spilled whiskey, the poker cards thrown all over the floor. What a waste of whiskey, John thought, as he heard a noise coming from behind the door frame that lead into another room, he assumed.

A Russian man ran in from the other room noticing John standing there looking around. He fired his gun as John ducked behind the table. He rolled under it, coming out on the other side firing his gun at the man’s leg. The man cursed grabbing his leg as he fired at the table missing John. He almost wanted to laugh at how badly these guys were but instead, he stood up, towering over the guy as he struggled to get up. He attempted to grab his gun, but John kicked it away shooting him. John’s muscles were throbbing from the recoil of shooting, his eyes in a daze as he swiftly continued into the next room.

It was dimly lit but John could see the boss man sitting in a chair puffing on his cigar. The room had a row of shelves full of drugs, stacks of money and weapons. The Russian man glared up at John, his eyes revealing he was going to spend his last moments here. “I didn’t expect Viggo to send a newcomer to do his dirty work so soon.” He hissed in Russian in between puffs on his cigar. Viggo trusted John to easily which earned disapproval from many. “I actually get the job done.” John retorted taking a step closer to him.

The man sighed, “I didn’t want to betray Viggo, but he left me no choice.” John wanted to yawn or roll his eyes but reframed from it. John’s Russian was rusty plus he didn’t feel like talking, especially when it came to small talk that lead nowhere. “Are you going to fight or not?” John snapped, his finger hovering over the trigger. The man threw down his cigar with a sigh, “I’m too old for that. It is an honor to meet the Baba Yaga.”

He said before John pulled the trigger. The man's body slumped down in the chair as the bullet went through his forehead. John turned to exit the building, the air outside cool on his skin. This had been a waste of time; he had expected more of a challenge. This mob boss wasn’t nearly as powerful as Viggo, but John thought he would have more than six men guarding him.

He tucked his gun in the pocket of his suit avoiding the mess he made outside as the blood from the men he killed covered the path. He stepped over them making his way down the alleyway stopping at the edge where the line of people for the club had been. The line was gone only the bouncer at the door, the neon sign still glowing. The area was eerie silent aside from the loud bass that John could make out that came from inside the club. An overwhelming force beckoned John to go inside. He debated about whether he should or not as he tossed the gun from the back of his waistband into the alley. He needed a drink that was for sure. Viggo could wait a little longer.

Once John was inside, the flashy music gave him a headache, his throbbing arm only growing worse. He pushed himself through the crowd to the bar ordering a shot of whiskey. The heat of bodies suffocated John; he could feel the sweat forming on his forehead as he downed the shot. He ordered another one knowing this would be his last before he left, he needed to report to Viggo that the task was complete. He turned toward the crowd seeing the DJ on the stage, the sea of people grinding on one another and the ostentatious lights. His eyes grew sore from the lights causing him to blink. In a flash, he saw a ray of color. He could have sworn he saw blue and purple but when he searched the crowd, he saw the usual shades of grey he always saw.

He turned back to the counter, the shot of whiskey waiting for him. It burned his throat as he washed it down before throwing a few bills down next to his empty glass. His vision blurred causing him to rapidly blink trying to clear it. He buried his face in his hands before looking up seeing another flash of color. His brows were knitted together as he rushed through the crowd. His body was tingling, his heart racing as he shoved himself past each person. He stumbled into the bathroom hurrying to the sink. He quickly turned on the water splashing it on his face, hoping it would help. He hovered over the sink for a moment allowing the water to drip down his face before leaning against the edge. His eyes met his reflection. His eyes were vast, his hair a tangled mess. He blinked seeing the flash again this time for a second longer. He stumbled backwards almost slipping.

He had thought he was hallucinating or perhaps the adrenaline had worn off causing him to feel like he was losing his mind but now he realized it wasn’t either of those. He closed his eyes, putting his hands on the corner of the sink. “Fuck.” He cursed under his breath as he glared at his reflection waiting for it. The flash of color happened once more, each time it grew longer. He could make out the color of his hair which was a deep shade of black, his beige skin stood out against his dark suit. He leaned in close to the mirror hoping the flash would happen again. When it did, John was prepared this time. He focused on his reflection especially his eyes. They were an earthy deep brown something he had been told but never seen for himself.

A few men came into the bathroom causing John to stand up straight. He pretended to wash his hands until they disappeared into a stall or went to a urinal. He glanced back at his reflection noticing how scared he looked but he shook the feeling away swinging the door open and began making his way through the crowd. His body began to feel tingly again, his palms sweaty. His breathing was shallow, the pit of his stomach knotting as his head spun. He needed to get out of here before the symptoms increased.

John hurried through the crowd, but the sea of bodies seemed endless and the more area he covered, the more his body surged with this foreign energy. He was about halfway through the crowd when time seemed to slow down. His eyes were hazy the flash of color happening every few seconds. He stumbled as if he was plastered, his hands feeling around trying to make it without falling. Then suddenly like a bolt of lightning, the hairs on his arms stood up as his eyes darted around searching until he saw her. Time seemed to stop as his eyes wandered over her dancing body, the flashes of color revealing her upbeat yellow dress. Her dark hair was swaying with her as she twirled not even noticing him or the strange things happening to her. The sea of bodies becoming a blur of color as John stood frozen, his eyes glued on her unsure if she felt the same pulsing energy, the tingling he had running through his veins or the flashes of color. 

Time sped up as John backed away rushing toward the entrance. He never thought he would find her. He didn’t think a corrupt guy like him had one, but he had been wrong. She was beautiful, so beautiful his heart couldn’t believe it. For a second, he had wanted to go up to her and see her face turn pallid as she realized who she was looking at but now wasn’t the time. He knew they would cross paths again; this time would be easier since they had been so close to one another, an imaginary string tied to them endlessly connecting them.

Once he was outside, John took a deep breath relieved to smell the fresh air. The bouncer gave him a funny glare, but John ignored him. He crossed the street paying no attention to the lonely people wandering around before heading down the alley he came from. He finally felt normal again with each step expanding the distance from her. He had wondered why he felt an odd energy pulsing through him when passing the club on his way there but shoved the thoughts away. What mattered right now was getting back to Viggo.

John reached his car, hopping inside, he placed his gun in the passenger seat before turning the ignition bringing the car to life. He sat, flipping through the radio before landing on a rock song hoping the loud noise would drown out his thoughts. The music was no help because when he took off, his mind instantly wandered to her. This wasn’t unusual, most people knew the symptoms like the back of their hand. However, John had ignored the whole gimmick of having a soulmate. He believed it was another way for the government to manipulate people so they could control them but the way he felt, the way he longed for her to look at him didn’t seem wrong. It felt complete like a piece of him had been missing and he needed her to feel whole.

He sighed, turning the volume up feeling his car vibrate with the bass. His mind was hazy as the thoughts of her dancing bounced around making it impossible for him to focus. He knew the separation would only make things intensify when they crossed paths again but his plan was to ignore it for the time being. He wasn’t in the right place, who was he kidding, he would never be in the right place when it came to meeting her. He was deep in the Russian mob and getting out would be no easy task. He didn’t want to involve her. It was better to leave her alone no matter how much he wanted to turn around and embrace her in his arms.

After a while, John pulled up to Viggo’s house killing the engine. He sat for a moment putting on his poker face before grabbing his gun and heading inside. He knew his way around but the other men who greeted him at the door guided him to Viggo’s office. Viggo sat behind his large desk reading over some papers when John entered. He stood a foot away from the desk waiting for Viggo to notice him. Without looking up, Viggo snarked, “What took you so long?” His thick Russian accent filling the tense air.

“I got distracted,” John admitted, unsure why since it would only piss him off. Viggo threw the papers down on his desk glaring up at John with disgust. “You left five men dead for over an hour. Anyone could have seen them and reported it.” He hissed standing to his feet as John’s eyes stayed fixed on him. Viggo knew better than to try and hit him, he had learned that the hard way. “You are an excellent hitman, John. I know that but you have to be careful and precise.” He lectured as if John didn’t know this. “However, I thank you. You took out the one who betrayed me.” Viggo mumbled under his breath in Russian as he crossed the room pouring himself a glass of whiskey. “That man was like a brother to me.” He continued in Russian his voice showing a slight hint of sadness. “But when you go against your own kind…” He paused gulping down the whiskey, “You get what you deserve.” He finished as his eyes became fixed on John as if he was warning him. 

Viggo had paused turning away from John usually an unspoken sign he was done. John turned heading toward the door but Viggo called after him. “John, we are not done yet.” He proclaimed gesturing for him to take a seat on the overly large armchair that sat in front of his desk. “I have more business you need to take care of for me.” His criminal smirk made John’s skin crawl, but he obeyed sitting down as Viggo handed him a glass of whiskey. 


	2. Russian Folktale

The pulsing high energy vibrated her body as she drank her fifth shot of vodka, allowing her to relax into the sea of bodies that surrounded her. The heat of them made her skin sweat, her dress clinging to every curve while her hair was matted to her forehead. She waved the bartender over about to order another shot when one of her friends called her attention.

“Claire! Over here!” Claire searched the group around her until she landed on a familiar heart-shaped face that held a huge grin on it. Claire smiled to herself as she stumbled over to Emily, her body tingling with the buzz of liquor. She was unsure if she was struggling to walk because of the uncomfortable heels Emily forced her to wear or if she was already drunk. “There you are. We’ve been looking for you.” Emily yelled with gleam over the loud music as Claire grabbed onto Emily’s arm, steadying herself. “I’m fine. I needed a drink.” Claire cheerfully replied, “Or two.” She mumbled as Sophia pushed her way through the crowd revealing herself with a sigh.

“Thanks for ditching me Em.” Sophia complained as she playfully hit Emily’s arm. “At least you found Claire. Can we finally go dance now?” Claire nodded allowing Emily to guide her through the crowd as Sophia followed behind until they were somewhere in the middle, the throbbing of the loud bass shaking the ground. Claire could feel the weight of her body as she spun around allowing the music to flow over her. Her head was clear of thoughts for once as she danced not once letting her worries cloud her head. Three of them giggled with glee dancing into the next song with ease.

Claire felt an unusual tingling in her body, her eyes becoming a haze, but she ignored it thinking it was the shots of vodka making its way through her veins. She closed her eyes forcing herself to get lost in the music as her body trembled with foreign energy. Claire slowed down burying her face in her hands as she felt her stomach knot. “Claire, are you okay?” Sophia yelled in concern as she placed a hand on Claire’s back. Claire tried to speak but felt the vodka coming up. She violently shook her head as Emily grabbed Claire’s arm rushing her toward the bathroom. 

Emily had somehow managed to get Claire to the stall just in time for her to puke. She felt relief wash over her as she pushed herself up from the floor. Emily stood in the frame of the stall with a worried glare, “Are you okay?” She questioned as Claire slowly wiped her mouth, “I’m fine now. I felt weird.” She paused remembering the tingling she had felt throbbing throughout her body, but it was gone. She sighed with relief running her fingers through her hair. “I feel better now.” She replied as Emily glared at her with raised brows.

“You shouldn’t drink so much.” Sophia remarked as she came into view, she had a scowl on her face, “Why don’t we head out? I think we all had enough fun for one night.”

Emily groaned, “Claire said she’s fine. Why can’t we dance for a little longer?” Emily whined but Claire had zoned out trying to figure out why she had felt so odd. She had been drunk plenty of times before and never once had she felt that strange energy. She had felt alive; her mind craved the feeling again. Claire sighed realizing she had gotten lost in her thoughts. She looked up to see Emily and Sophia arguing about whether they should leave or not.

“We should go,” Claire stated ending the argument earning a devilish glare from Emily. Sophia smirked wrapping her arms around Claire’s elbow as the three of them headed out of the bathroom door. The heavy smell of sweaty bodies and liquor burned Claire’s nose, the feeling she craved didn’t return as she pushed her way through the sea of dancing bodies. Once outside, the bouncer greeted them with a slight head nod.

The cool air nipped at Claire’s bare legs as she stood on the curb waiting for the cab. She could see Emily was pissed off, her arms crossed, as she stood a few feet away from where she and Sophia were. Claire rolled her eyes at Emily’s back looking over at Sophia who shivered from the cold. She shivered herself feeling the stinging in her feet from the heels and the ache in her legs from dancing. A small group of people came out of the club door laughing, startling Sophia. She nervously snickered once she realized it was a group of harmless people before turning her attention to the street.

“You okay?” Claire questioned as Sophia gazed up at her as she absentmindedly rubbed her arm, her mind lost somewhere else. “I’m fine.” She lied but Claire pressed her knowing she wasn’t fine. Sophia didn’t like clubbing, but she could see something else was troubling her. “I saw this-“ She paused for a second as if she was trying to remember how to speak. “This guy came out of nowhere. He looked like he had seen a ghost.” Sophia’s voice was shaky, “He was staring at you. His eyes were fixed on you like he – I’m not sure if he knew you or what.”

Claire’s eyebrows were wrinkled in confusion, “What? I didn’t even notice this. When did this happen?” She quizzed as Emily looked over her shoulder at the two of them. “Sophia thinks some guy was being weird. When doesn’t she think that?” Emily snapped, immediately regretting her words as Sophia exhaled with frustration. “He looked scary.” Sophia protested her eyes wide as she continued, “I swore I saw blood on his shoes.” She mumbled causing Claire to search her brain for this mystery guy, however, it came back blank. Emily was about to argue with Sophia, but it was stopped by the cab arriving.

The girls climbed into the cab, each one tired from the long night of partying. Claire couldn’t shake the thought that the feeling she had felt was somehow connected to this mystery man. She wanted to ask Sophia more but knew Emily would only intervene causing friction between them. Claire let her mind wander trying to recall a man, but it was blank. She had been so free she hadn’t even noticed anyone around her even though she had been surrounded by at least a hundred people. She knew one thing for sure, the strange feeling she had felt wasn’t normal.

♡

The humid air made Claire’s skin feel slimy as she sipped on iced coffee, her book bag hanging on her shoulder. She had planned to meet up with Sophia, but as usual, she had decided last minute to spend time with her boyfriend. Claire was fine with that, she loved being by herself. This gave her the chance to head to a bookstore to read and clear her head. It had been over a week since the night at the club, the strange feeling still lingering in her mind.

As she turned the corner, she saw the bookshop up ahead. The large windows allowing the sun to shine onto the displayed books causing a glimmer on the glass. The door was wide open as strangers came and went in a hurry as Claire walked inside. The dim lights made the place feel cozy as her feet guided her to the section she loved most, Shakespeare. Her fingers brushed over the spine of books as she searched for the ones she had been wanting to check out.

Once she found a few books, she made her way to the corner of the shop where a few large armchairs sat along with a wooden coffee table, its plush cushion welcoming Claire as she sat down. She threw her bag down on the side of the armchair before placing the iced coffee down on the table. She relaxed into the back of the chair, the cushion melting into her as she laid out the books she picked out on her lap. Her eyes wandered over them until she picked one, opening the cover as she felt the crisp pages under her fingers. 

Claire’s face was buried in the book, her legs crossed as her eyes darted back and forth taking in the words on the page. Occasionally, a small gasp would escape her mouth, or her brows would crease together but most of the time, Claire sat still drinking in each word letting herself get lost in her imagination. However, today it was hard to get lost since her mind was clouded. She also felt odd. Her hands were slightly shaking, and her eyes were aching.

She sighed, putting the book down on the coffee table, closing her eyes and leaning back. Her heart was racing while her head spun making her feel dizzy. Claire tried to calm her breathing, but it was shallow as she sat up. She shivered from a strange tingle that coursed through her body when like a bolt of lightning, she felt a surge of foreign energy. A low gasp escaped her mouth as she blinked seeing a ray of colors. She hadn’t expected to feel this again and so soon. Now, she was seeing color making all her thoughts of worry vanish. Claire recognized all of her symptoms now. She tried to embrace them, but it was overwhelming.

Claire’s eyes darted down to her hands as the quick flash of color happened again. She abruptly stood up almost bumping into the coffee table earning a few glares from passing strangers. Her eyes were hazy as she stumbled to steady herself. Her mind was racing with the thought that her soulmate was nearby. She rapidly blinked back tears of joy as another flash of color happened to reveal the beige walls, the dark wooden shelves and the color assortment of book covers.

Claire wandered the bookshop aimlessly searching for someone she didn’t even know. She let her feet lead her as her palms felt clammy. She could feel her heartbeat throbbing in her ears as she stopped, the flash of color lingering longer. People around her had begun to notice her strange behavior causing her to feel anxious only making her stomach knot. She leaned up against one of the bookshelves taking a deep breath trying to calm her nerves.

They probably felt what she felt, she suddenly thought. Whoever her soulmate was had to be wandering around looking for her too. She quickly made her way back to her stuff, hastily grabbing her bag and leaving the books behind. Claire pushed the throbbing in her body away as she did another pace around the bookshop. Her vision was blurry as a ray of colors continued, she wanted to stop and admire everything she passed but it was more important to find them. Once she did, she would finally see color permanently and would have found her soulmate.

She turned the corner into a section she usually never visited seeing it was mostly empty. It was dimly lit, the shelves taller than her which reached the ceiling. It made her feel uneasy how close the shelves were, but she forced herself through stopping to see the signage that read Russian Folktale. Her vision was hazy while her body slightly pulsed with energy the further, she went down the row of books. Her eyes darted around seeing Russian titles to books she had never seen, her mind wondering what they could be about. Claire stopped at the end of the row; her breath shaky as she peeked her head out. She quickly looked both ways before seeing a guy in the corner on the left.

Her heart stopped as her eyes widened, she covered her mouth in shock as hairs on her body stood up sending shivers down her spine. The tingling in her veins had become numb as she stood frozen fixed on this man’s back. She could see flashes of color revealing his long raven hair and his dark tan leather jacket. She gasped immediately cursing under her breath as he gathered up his books and swiftly brushed past her. Claire's eyes followed after him in confusion knowing he must feel exactly what she was feeling before jogging after him. “Wait.” She yelled causing him to stop in his tracks.

She noticed how tense his body was, his hands gripping the books tightly. He deeply sighed but didn’t turn to face her. Claire thought maybe he wasn’t ready to because once they locked eyes, they would eternally see color, and would be bound together. Her heart sank realizing this as she fought back tears, “If you aren’t ready, I can wait.” She shakily blurted causing him to shake his head. “It’s not that. I just didn’t expect I would have a soulmate.” His voice was husky, and Claire couldn’t read the emotion behind it. She almost laughed, “Everyone has a soulmate.” She countered taking a step closer to him. She could feel warmth, unlike anything she had felt before. It was welcoming and cozy.

“Well, we can’t stand here forever.” Claire had waited for this moment. Her mom had described the feeling to her so many times, it was engraved in memory. She heard him sigh as he slowly looked over his shoulder revealing his stubbled face and dark eyes. Her whole body was on edge as her eyes wandered over him, taking in his appearance. Once he was facing her, she finally allowed herself to look into his eyes. The ray of colors washed over her, engulfing the room. She gasped at the beauty as he stood there, his eyes fixed on her. She admired the room spinning around to take in every detail before turning back to him. His mouth was in a tight line as his eyes pierced hers.

They were a deep caramel, that was warm which contrasted his raven hair and pale complexion. His leather jacket fit him snugly and she could see a hint of muscle through his white shirt. “What’s your name?” He blurted out breaking the silence between them. She stuttered, “I’m Claire.” Her voice was thin compared to his, she was overjoyed to finally have found her soulmate, but his gloomy mood was raining on her party.

“What do you want to do about this?” He hissed making Claire take a step back. She had heard the stories of soulmates not exactly getting along at first, some even claiming they weren’t soulmates at all. She stood straight feeling a surge of confidence, “Aren’t you going to tell me your name?” Claire countered with a raised brow as his eyes questioned her.

“I’m John. I’d rather we kept this casual. I don’t want to be in a relationship, understand?” His words were quick as he tapped his foot annoyed. Claire looked down trying to hide her disappointment. “Yeah. That’s fine. It’s great to meet you, John.” She finally replied as John shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Look-“ He paused searching for the right words as Claire admired him. He was handsome, that was for sure. She could see herself wrapped in his arms as they lazily laid on the couch watching a show.

“I can see your already in some fantasyland dreaming about us being some happy couple but that’s not reality. I don’t want this.” He gestured between the distance that separated them before sighing, “You live in a different world than I do.” John’s harsh tone caused Claire to flinch away. She nervously played with her hands as John clutched the books he still had in hand.

Claire pursed her lips as she stared at the ground, “We can’t even be friends?” She proposed wondering what he was hiding. She had dreamed of this day, yet all those dreams had been wasted as it was far from what was happening. John shook his head, “No. I’d rather never see one another again.” Claire bit her lip slowly nodding trying to process her thoughts. John had started to walk away when Claire yelled his name.

John turned toward her as he looked at her through his narrowed eyes, “You know that can’t happen. I guess you never read or seen what happens once we find our soulmate.” Claire smugly replied feeling a small victory as John took a step closer to her. “I don’t believe that everyone has someone that’s their perfect match.” He remarked as Claire rolled her eyes. “Then you must hate this world we live in.” She scoffed, “You can leave now, but you know deep down whether you want this or not, it’s going to happen. We’ll run into each other no matter how much distance you try to put between us.”

Claire was telling the truth; nothing could stop them from being together, not even themselves. John cursed under his breath, running his fingers through his hair. He stood there for a moment before shaking his head, “Then I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” John uttered before swiftly taking off. She stood there frozen not sure whether the pain she felt was real or not. She didn’t even know John, but his words had hurt her. She collected herself before making her way out of the bookshop hoping she would see him. She was silly to think she would when he said he wanted nothing to do with her.

She thought maybe he would have changed his mind, realized how harsh he had been. However, the more distance she put between her and the bookshop, she knew that wasn’t a possibility. John had practically run out of there. She wanted to hate him, but she found it nearly impossible to do. She sighed, slowing down her pace as she looked around her. The world was a different place now that she could see color. 

She immediately gazed up into the sky which was bluer than she imagined. She couldn’t believe how white the clouds were. Claire wasn’t going to let John ruin her newfound sight instead she pulled out her camera and let herself become preoccupied with the area around her.


	3. String of Fate

Another day, another job for Viggo. John had grown tired not because of constantly doing Viggo’s dirty work but because he literally was tired. His muscles ached, his eyes were sore and most of the time he would lay in bed staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping. His mind had been cloudy lately too. He could see color now, something that was hard to adjust to. He also thought about Claire. How he wanted to be with her, yet he wasn’t good enough for her. John shook his thoughts away zoning back into the area remembering he had a job to do. 

He sighed almost bored as, yet another man came around the corner with a knife in hand. John could have easily shot him but decided to put up a fight to keep things interesting. The man slashed the knife through the air as John dodged it, his fist clenched as he punched the man in the side. The man gasped for air as he punched him in the chest, the knife almost falling from his hand. The man steadied himself rapidly slashing the air until he cut John’s arm causing John to curse under his breath.

John kicked the man in the ribs before shoving him backwards, his breath heavy from fighting. He took a deep breath as the man charged at him with a knife as John swiftly pulled his gun outshooting the man, his body falling back as if his knees had buckled. John had little time to process what had happened as another man ran out from behind him. John ducked behind some crates as shots fired rapidly at him. He moved around the corner; his body pressed against the large crate as the light footsteps of the man rang in John’s ears. 

When the man was inches away from John, he pointed his gun out and pulled the trigger. The loud thud afterwards meant he had been successful in killing the man and it was confirmed when he saw the pool of blood. John stood straight up, looking around to see the place was empty of living people, the strong smell of it hitting him. He began to feel sick, his stomach in a knot as he slumped to the ground. The stinging from the cut on his upper arm was lightly bleeding making him feel queasy. 

The echoing of gunshots throbbed in John’s ears as his body violently shook. He had managed to curl into a ball on the hard, cold ground forcing the tears that brimmed his eyes to stay put. John hadn’t expected this, his body was rebelling against him. His nose burned with the smell of fresh blood making his head feel light. He rocked himself back and forth trying to clear his mind, however, his thoughts went straight back to the blood. 

He had seen blood before, but never the color. Its rusty dark hue had caused him to pause as it splattered across the concrete leaving a stain as the blood escaped as if it was trying to find a new host. John buried his head in between his knees wanting to shake the sight of what he had seen, but his thoughts replayed endlessly. He couldn’t sit here forever knowing someone would eventually show up. John shakily stood up avoiding the sight of the bodies of the men he had killed. The smell alone was enough to trigger the memories.

Once he exited the old ruined warehouse, John stopped taking a deep breath. He allowed his lungs to breathe the fresh, cool air. However, the rustic scent of dried blood was buried in his nose as he looked down at the cut on his arm. He could feel his heart beating fast as sweat formed on his forehead. John’s breath was shaky as he rushed away from the warehouse to his mustang wanting to push his panic away. He needed to compose himself before returning to Viggo.

John settled into the leather seat of his car before flipping down the car’s sun visor revealing his reflection in the tiny mirror. His raven hair was tangled, some hairs sticking up while some were matted to his sweaty skin. His eyes were dark, but John wasn’t sure what he was looking at. Was it fear or disgust in his eyes? John slammed the visor up with a growl as he started his car glad to hear the loud roar. He sped off racing toward Viggo’s place ready for this day to end. 

As John followed closely behind the men who lead him to Viggo, he could feel the cut on his arm stinging and the faint rusty scent. He pushed his thoughts away trying to keep the queasiness at bay as he pictured the same image of blood. “John.” Viggo cheerfully called out before John had made it into the room, the men stopped at the door of Viggo’s office as John stepped in seeing Viggo standing with his arms open, a sly grin on his face. “I’m glad to see you.” His Russian accent was filled with joy as he moved closer to John, “I have another task for you to complete.” 

John held back the urge to yell as he dryly replied, “I can’t. My arm needs to be dealt with first.” As he gestured to the deep cut on his arm trying to make it look worse than it did. He hoped Viggo would dismiss him, but he could see Viggo ignored him pressing on, “I’ve seen you in worse condition, John. You’ll be fine.” He laughed, roughly patting John on the shoulder. “Follow me.” Viggo continued as he walked past John with a wicked glimmer in his eyes.

John slowly followed behind as Viggo lead him downstairs into a room where a bloody man sat tied to a chair. The dark stained wood floor was covered in a plastic tarp as the man’s head hung, his face barely visible as swollen bruises and dried blood covered it. “What is this?” John snapped stopping at the threshold of the door feeling his stomach drop as the blood-filled his nose. Viggo growled in laughter causing the man to startle awake, his eyes darting over to John and Viggo in fear. 

“This is Val.” Viggo gestured moving closer to Val with a smirk, “He stole money from me, and I punished him.” Viggo paused as Val began to mumble how sorry he was. Viggo ignored him turning toward John, “However, I don't think it was enough. I would like for you to finish it.” John sighed, taking a step closer to Val making him squirm. Val’s name meant strength, but John didn't see that when he looked at this man before him. Instead, he saw a man desperately clinging to life. He didn't want to kill this man who hadn't wronged him but Viggo left John no other options. If he didn’t do as Viggo asked, John would have a bounty on his head which wasn’t something he wanted to deal with right now.

“Wouldn't it be more satisfying to kill him yourself?” John questioned before Viggo shook his head. He could see Viggo was irritated by the question.

“I’ve had my fun. Why don't you get this over with?” 

John wrapped his hands around Val’s neck making the mistake of looking into his eyes, the whites of them bright as John pressed his hands harder together. Val’s huffed breaths rang in John’s ears as he felt the kicks from underneath him. John watched as the color drained from Val’s eyes, the brightness becoming dull. John backed away conflicted that he had just killed a man with his bare hands. He had done it before but seeing it in color had left him feeling more guilty. It made his stomach knot, his head was light as he heard Viggo call for someone. 

“You're free to go now, John.” Viggo remarked as John braved a face, “I’ll be in contact with you about a job I have coming up for you.” His eyes held John’s as a grin crossed Viggo’s face. John quickly nodded before turning and heading out. Once outside, he gasped for air, letting the cool air fill his lungs. His eyes wandered up to the big blue sky which calmed him. Since gaining color, John hadn't even stopped to notice how different the world was. This was the first time he had looked at the sky which reminded him of Claire. The bright blue hue matched her eyes. 

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Claire had been right about it being hard to resist wanting to be near her. He had thankfully not run into her again since their meeting, but he felt this pull dragging him toward her, wherever she was. As John made it to his car, he promised himself he wouldn’t think of Claire again because doing so only caused him to think the world was kind when it wasn’t. 

This world was cruel. It was full of people who were greedy and selfish. He was one of those people who made the world a horrible place. He killed for money. He would drain the life of someone because someone else told him to. John felt sick to his stomach as his thoughts wandered to Val. He shuddered as a chill went down his spine. He should have walked out instead of allowing Viggo to influence him.

As much as he wanted to get out of this business, settle down in the middle of nowhere, it wasn't that simple. They would find him and drag him back into this somehow. John cursed under his breath knowing he was fucked. He headed home ready to stare at the wall again in boredom. 

♡

John made his way through the row of bookshelves seeing his favorite place in a new way. The small bookstore was dim, the dark walls and floor blending into the background. The place was cozy and warm making John feel at ease. The past few days had been tough for him having to put on a poker face in front of Viggo as he mentally screamed wanting to get far away from this life he had chosen. 

John was conflicted. Yes, murdering people was inhumane but the people he killed weren’t good guys. John wasn't a good guy either but doing this made him feel like maybe he was just a little bit better than them. He sighed stopping at the Russian folktale, his thoughts had overpowered him for long enough. He wanted some quiet time to escape and reading helped. 

As he made his way down the row, he stopped when the hairs on his arm stood up. A shiver went down his spine as he turned around to see Claire. She stood skimming the book covers, her hair in a messy bun as she held a few books in hand. John froze, his eyes glued to her. Even if she wasn’t his soulmate, he would want to pursue her. He needed something good in his life and looking at her, he knew it was fate that brought them together. Maybe she would help him out of this life he had chosen for himself?

“John?” He blinked seeing Claire staring at him, a small grin on her face. “I’m surprised to see you here.” She sarcastically replied as John shifted uncomfortably. His voice was dry as he felt his palms become covered in sweat. He couldn’t believe he was nervous. 

“Why are you in the Russian folktale?” John blurted out as Claire raised her eyebrows at him. 

“I saw you in this section last time and thought I should check it out. Do you understand Russian?” She had a smirk on her face as if to tell John she had been right; they would meet again. “Most of the books over here are written in Russian. I assume you speak it or are learning it?” She questioned as John tried to get his thoughts straight, her piercing eyes had his mind in shambles. 

“I know Russian. I speak a little of it, but I can read it pretty well.” John stuttered hoping he sounded convincing. He couldn’t tell her the truth that he was an orphan who had been taken in by the Tarasov Russian Mafia. He knew he should have come up with something more to say but he didn’t. He stood frozen as Claire eyed him. 

“Oh. That’s cool. I decided I would try to learn it. I know French and Spanish so I doubt Russian would be too hard.” She stated before changing the subject, “I’m glad we ran into each other. I know you don't want to be friends, but I don’t see any harm in getting coffee together.” She looked hopeful as she gave John a small smile revealing the small wrinkles around her eyes. 

He liked her. John could see how kind Claire was which broke his heart. One day with him would change that especially if she found out who he really was. However, he desperately wanted something good in his life and that could be Claire. It was selfish of him to do so but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. “You’re right.” John finally replied breaking the silence, “Do you know any coffee shops around here?” 

The two walked side by side in silence as John willed himself not to look down at Claire. He had gone into the bookstore hoping Claire would be there especially since she had found him there before. To his surprise, there she was. She was bold which John admired, something he lacked himself when it came to the social world. He had gotten used to having his poker face on at all times. “Are you learning Russian because of me?” John questioned trying to break the silence but to inquire more information about her. 

Claire scoffed, “Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve always wanted to learn Russian.” Her answer was short leaving no room for more questions. John looked away unsure what to ask or say. “How long have you known Russian?” She finally asked after a long pause startling John. He had to be quick as he crafted a lie, “I learned about five years ago when I found out my ancestors were Russian.” 

“That’s so cool.” Claire excitedly replied, “I’m not part Russian but I do have a little French in me.” John nodded as Claire rambled on about her French ancestors as they walked inside a small cafe. The place smelled like fresh coffee beans and scones making John’s stomach growl. Claire bounced up to the counter not once looking at the menu. He followed behind her, squinting his eyes at the menu that hung overhead. Claire turned back looking at John, “You know what you want?” She questioned. 

“I’m not much of a coffee drinker,” John commented as Claire half-heartily laughed. 

“I didn’t think so.” 

“I’m more of a whiskey guy,” John replied looking down at Claire as she turned to the barista and ordered for the both of them. When she was done, John handed the barista his card earning a look from Claire. “I can pay for myself.” She remarked as John put his card back in his wallet. “I know but it’s my apology for being so mean last time.” Claire’s eyebrows were knitted together as she eyed him before leading them to a nearby table. A few minutes later, both of them were sipping on their coffee taking in the cafe. 

“So, what made you change your mind?” Claire asked putting down her coffee as she looked at him with her big eyes. John squirmed wishing he had planned out a story for himself before seeing her again. However, he had told himself if he saw Claire again to ignore her as he had at the club. That plan had not gone well. He sighed, “You were right. We ran into each other again so why stop what is supposed to happen.” John paused knowing he needed to tell a small part of the truth. “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” 

Claire nodded, “I understand. Did you just get out of a relationship?” 

“Yes.” John quickly said making Claire leaned forward in interest, “We broke up about three months ago.” He left it at that as Claire slowly nodded before sipping on her coffee. “It was pretty bad,” John added before looking away. He was a pretty good liar, but he hoped he could remember all the lies he was going to tell her. This wasn’t how a relationship should be built but he didn’t have much of a choice. 

“I broke up with my boyfriend about six months ago after I found him cheating with one of my friends,” Claire said causing John to look at her in shock. “I’m sorry.” John said trying to comfort her before Claire shrugged, “It’s all good. He obviously wasn’t the one.” Her tone was suggestive as she quickly looked away from John. She cleared her throat, “Does this mean we’re friends now?” 

John thought for a moment before responding, “I guess so.” He could see Claire’s hopeful eyes staring at him as he looked down. He wanted to hold her hand to keep her safe, but he was the one who would put her in danger. Claire sighed, “What do you mean you think so? You can’t give me an honest answer. We don’t have to be friends if you don’t want to. This wasn’t a date. You can be honest with me.” 

John could see how hard Claire was trying which made him soften, “I’m scared.” The words came out so quickly he couldn’t stop himself. Claire swiftly grabbed John’s hand which he allowed. Her hand was soft against his rough skin. She smiled up at him, “What’s there to be scared of?” She whispered, her sapphire eyes sparkling. “We are meant to be together and even if you don’t believe that. Fate brought us together for a reason.” John nodded processing her words knowing there was no way around this. 

He had allowed it to go further than he wanted. “You're right,” John mumbled letting go of Claire’s hand as she nodded in agreement. “We can be friends.” He said making Claire grin. “I’m excited. Well, since we’re friends now. I think we should hang out very soon.” She remarked pulling out her phone from her bag. John shook his head, “Hey, don’t push it.” He remarked in a serious tone before Claire stopped to glare at him while a huff came from her lips. 

“We have to exchange numbers if we’re friends.” She held out her phone toward John as he stared at it, unsure what he should say. He had a phone but not a personal one. He had never had a need for one and he didn’t want to pull out his burner phone even if Claire didn’t know what it was. “Yeah. How about you just take my number and then you can call me later.” John weakly said as Claire gave him an odd glare. He told her his number before Claire tucked her phone away in her jacket. 

“Do you not text?” She asked once it had fallen silent. 

John shook his head, “I do but my phone doesn’t do that.” 

Claire laughed, “You have an old phone, huh?” 

“Yeah. I don’t need a smartphone.” He replied before taking a gulp from his coffee. It was lukewarm now which meant they had been sitting there for a while. The cafe had emptied out, only a few others sat at the tables nearby. “Oh.” Claire cheerfully said, “Do you mind if I take your picture?” As she dug around in her bag. John sat up straight searching his brain for an excuse. Having his picture taken wasn’t a big deal, he had to do it for his passport and id but when it came to something else, he preferred not to. 

“I don’t really like taking pictures.” John nervously said as he ran his fingers through his hair. Claire laughed as she placed a large camera on the table, “Everyone says that, but I swear I’m a great photographer. I can make anyone look great.” She said as she turned on the camera. “I’ve been a photographer for four years now. I love it.” John casually nodded not really listening, “I don’t think the lighting is good enough here.” He mumbled as Claire giggled. 

“I can always edit the photo.” She finally stopped looking up at John, her smile fading. “Oh, I’m sorry. I get too excited about photography and forget people hate having their photo taken. Forgive me.” 

John nervously laughed, “You’re fine. I just don’t interact with people much, but I’ll let you take my photo.” He always found himself revealing more than he wanted when he was around her. She smiled, holding up her camera and giving John some pointers before snapping a picture. It was over in a second as Claire showed him the result. 

He didn’t look bad; his raven hair wasn’t tangled for once. His expression appeared neutral as his dark eyes glowed which surprised him. “You look great,” Claire said as she admired the picture for herself. “I won’t share it with anyone, I promise.” She said before putting the camera away. John nodded, “Thanks. You’re a great photographer. I’ve never seen myself look so…” He paused unsure of the right word. 

“You look peaceful,” Claire said for him as John agreed. He felt at peace when he was with Claire. It felt like home and it gave him a cozy feeling. He was actually excited for once to see where this friendship would take him even if it ended with the truth coming out. The two of them sat in silence for a while enjoying the company until Claire’s phone rang.

“It’s my friend.” She said as she apologized to John. “I should get going but I’ll call you soon so we can hang out.” John nodded standing up as Claire did the same. The two of them exited the café, Claire giving John a small wave as she walked toward the bookstore where they had been before. John realized she had developed their friendship naturally without him even noticing. “Hey,” John yelled as Claire turned around with a grin on her face. “I told you I didn’t want to be friends.” He shouted but he found himself smiling amazed at how clever Claire was.

“And I told you it would happen anyway.” She shouted back giving herself a pat on her shoulder.

“We’re going to be more than friends, aren’t we?” John questioned knowing the answer as Claire smirked, “We’ll see.” Her cheeks were red as she turned away leaving John speechless. Maybe this wasn’t a mistake after all. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and sticking around for me to finally post chapter 3!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is going to be a series, not sure how long yet but let me know what you think. You can follow me on twitter for updates @keanuwhore. <3


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